From A Mother's Heart

The uncertain journey of a preemie is hard to cope with. Nicu life is full of ups and downs that are almost indescribable. The joy you feel when your little one goes up an ounce, the pain you feel every time you walk back to your car to head home without your child. In a world that can feel so helpless, I find some within support and encouragement of others. I knew Liam was going to most likely come early, but not this early. At 21 weeks I got and iugr diagnosis. Then at 28 weeks preeclampsia set in. I thought all the reading, support groups online, and googling everything I could about preemies would prepare me, but nothing prepares you for your child being born months early at just a pound and a half. There wasn't much I could do, except focus on being the best mom I could. I started pumping that night, bringing little bullets with a few drops over to the nicu. My supply came in quick this time, even if it isn't abundant.  In a time where I wasn't even able to hold my child till he was 4 days old, providing milk was something I could be proud of. I follow posts from other moms in hopes I will gain some knowledge for when the time comes for Liam to drink from my breast, rather than the tube he gets fed through. Last week we hit 3 lbs and at 32 weeks, breastfeeding gets brought up. It's been days of hoping that I'll be able to try. Waiting for those cues. Waiting for one of the nurses to feel comfortable with him trying. Today was that day. He did so well. With tubes, sensors, and wires everywhere, it still felt so natural. He was even able to get a latch and a suck a few times. 7 weeks away from the day he's supposed to be born, he knows just what to do. It makes me believe that there's nothing more natural and nothing more beautiful. Even though we had to wait 5 weeks, I'm so grateful I get to go through this new part of his journey with him.

-Natalie Murray

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